I feel like I might have built up the lobster story a bit -- that maybe you will be let down because I've inadvertently (due to my procrastination in posting this topic) built up anticipation. I will do my best not to disappoint. I do think, however, that this story would be much more entertaining told in the style of Allie Brosh's Hyperbole and a Half. Allie is my blog hero and frankly, I would love to be as amazing as she is. But, I am not an artist. I can, however, draw stick figures. So I thought that I would entertain you with my stick figure version of this story. As an aside, I moved from New Orleans back to Austin today - hence the delay in the posting!P.S. This one is for B -- since she loves Hyperbole and a half as much as I do...The story begins. I had just finished my Master's degree and my grandmother offered to take me and my sister (who had just finished high school) on a cruise to Northern Europe to celebrate. The Canadian and I had been dating a couple of years at that point and he decided (as any good boyfriend would) to surprise me with a gift certificate to the
salon on the ship for a massage (or some other treatment of my choice).Being the salon savvy girl that I am, I waited for a day while the ship was in port to get my treatments because, when the ship is in port
, treatments are often half off, meaning, I could get more than one treatment for the gift certificate.
When I called to schedule my massage and facial the only time they had available was during dinner.
Normally, this is not a problem, but that evening it was lobster night. (And on this particular cruise you could only eat in the dining room at your assigned time)
Lobster night was the one night I had been waiting for the entire cruise. And I was going to miss it. This seems like such a princessy dilemma (lobster or spa treatments...) but, you know, if you can have it all, why not try? Right? So, I called down to the kitchen and they said that if I were able to get back to my room before the dinner ended they would send up the lobster as room service.
So I had my fabulous facial and massage and by the time I returned to the room I was starving -- which was compounded by my complete and utter passion and obsession for lobster.
Instead of a million lobsters, I called down to room service, and only ordered 3 lobsters -- which seemed completely reasonable at the time -- given my desire to order a million -- frankly, I felt like I was being extremely generous by NOT ordering a million.
The waiter came down and knocked on the door. I opened it and as he stepped inside and saw me he gave me a disturbed and angry look which I could not understand. At the same time the waiter was sending me his angry judgmental vibes, I turned into a giant octopus grabbing for my lobster in an attempt to stuff my face with it as quickly as possible.
It didn't dawn on me until I sat down and actually looked at what the waiter had brought me as to why he was so disturbed. Before me were: 3 sets of silverware, 3 glasses of water, 3 napkins, 3 sets of condiments...in other words, the waiter thought there were 3 people ordering food. Not an insane woman with a freakish lobster obsession. Had no one ever ordered 3 lobsters before? Was I really the only one?
After I mentally noted that I needed to discuss my lobster issues with my therapist at my next appointment, I proceeded to demolish the lobsters.
And that, my friends, is the lobster story.