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Today I'm going to be letting some things go...
My 35th birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and rather than doing resolutions at the new year, I tend to look at birthdays as my 'new beginning' each year, and try to start that birthday year with some new intentions (hopefully, good.)  I'm going to see someone today who is going to work with me on letting go of a few things, one of which is the anger, confusion and frustration I have over the loss of my friendship.  There was certainly hurt on both sides, although I suspect each person feels like the other hurt them more. 

But of course, there's a boy involved -- and it feels like, at least to me, that she ultimately chose that relationship over this one.  That's not really the whole story by any means, that's just a general feeling that I've walked away from the friendship with.  I've tried reaching out a few times, and while she's been polite, I can certainly get the hint.  So, I need to let that friendship go if that is what is meant to happen.  I also need to let go of my feelings about it.  They are only damaging to me and no one else. 

And my anger towards the boy.  I'm going to let that go as well.  I'm tired of being held hostage by it and by allowing it to have power over me.  I intend to send love and light to them both on their journey and wish them well.  Maybe someday my friend and I will re-connect, but it sure feels unlikely at this point.

Although this similar scenario happened with my old college roommate -- a major falling out over a boy.  We re-connected a couple of years ago and both tripped over ourselves apologizing.  She kept saying "He was so awful and you were so right, I just couldn't see it" and I was saying "I should have been more understanding and compassionate and less worried about how it impacted me."

...which goes to show me that in regards to my current friendship, we are always, at least at this point in the story, more caught up in our side than we are able to see the other person's.  So maybe my friend and I will, someday, see the other side and be able to love each other again.  I will set that as one of my intentions for my 35th year -- that we will be able to see the other person's side and be compassionate to each others pain that we respectively caused.

I'm also, this year, going to let go of the last of the weight I need to lose.  Thankfully, it's not a ton since I've been on this journey for four years now (!!) but I'm ready to knock out the last 25 lbs.  I am grateful for the realization I had around my birthday in 2007 that I needed to make significant changes in my life.  I was so heavy and thankfully it was more as a result of being oblivious than to anything else.  I began making subtle changes in my life and allowing the weight to slowly drop off.  Now, time to kick it up a notch and be done with it!

I'm also ready to let go of my anxiety about this move.  I know I need to be gentle with myself here -- and understand that it's...well 'understandable' that I'm anxious about how this is going to all go down.  But let's be honest.  All of the major life decisions that I've stressed about the most, have turned out to be the most extraordinarily good decisions I've made.  So, I'm ready to accept that this is going to be a hard but amazing journey.

And finally, I'm ready to let go of *stuff*.  I'm actually not a particularly cluttered person.  Most people think I'm fairly minimalist.  I don't like knickknacks and don't have collections (well books), but I do have some things that I'm ready to get rid of and the things I'm on the fence about, I need to just get rid of them as well.  I've taken so many loads of things to charity, but I'm ready to get rid of more and be done with it!

2/16/2011 10:18:32 am

Moving helps you to let go of stuff both mentally and physically. It is especially a good time to get rid of belongings. I encourage you to do it! Before one move I hosted a clothing and "stuff" swamp for friends. Everyone brought over things that they wanted to get rid of and then the other friends got to choose from it. Then I brought the rest to charity. It was a lot of fun! I just made sure that I didn't pick up anything from anyone!

2/16/2011 11:13:34 pm

I used to hold onto waaaaaayyy too much: clutter, anger, resentment, frustration.

Life feels so much more liberating once you learn how to let go. Moving away helps, but it's in your head so no matter how far you move, you have to mentally let go of it to be free of it.

Oh and an early happy 35th! x

2/17/2011 12:50:50 pm

Many moons ago, I was the kind of person who hung on to far too many things (sentimental trinkets, emotions, old friendships, boyfriends... heck, I once saved a bag of M&Ms someone gave me for two years!).

One day, I let go of everything and now I'm a bonafide commitmentophobe!

One day I hope to find balance, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying an attitude of less is more!


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