This is honestly one of the best stories in the history of stories.  It's one that I really should save, and build up over weeks and weeks, but tonight Kissinger is swimming in a giant vase in the sky and so I'm telling this story as a tribute to a phenomenal fish.  Kissinger -- you were extraordinary.

You might remember I introduced you to Kissinger here -- it's a good introduction to this story.

The story begins around 6 am sometime back in 2006.  I have a 7:30 am appointment so I'm up at 6 to head downstairs to get my mandatory morning coffee.  From the stairs I can see into my dining room and on this particular morning, when I look into my dining room, I see an enormous puddle of water underneath my dining room table.
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My first instinct was that the dog we had at the time (a rather large German Shepherd named Delilah) had peed under the table.  Now, she had never done this before, but mind you, it was 6 am, pre-coffee, and not all of my neurons were firing.  Upon closer inspection of the scene (including dipping my hand into said liquid and smelling it to make sure it wasn't pee), I discover charred bits of fabric, broken glass, melted wax, bits of rock and...my fish under the table sitting in the puddle of water!!!
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I quickly jumped into action grabbing a bowl, filling it with water and scooping up Kissinger into the bowl, hoping and praying he wasn't dead.  Sure enough, after a few minutes he began swimming around and I breathed a sigh of relief.  Now that the fish was safe, however, I still had quite a mystery on my hands as to the enormous mess in the middle of my dining room.   As I made my coffee, I began working backwards in an attempt to piece together the events of the previous evening...

The Canadian was on the road so it was just the dog and me having a cozy evening by ourselves.  I was looking to create a little ambiance for our romantic evening so I thought I might add a little mood lighting.
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I found an old candle I'd bought years previously and decided it fit the bill -- nice smell and quite lovely since it had potpourri embedded in the wax. I decided that I should put the candle on the dining room table (on top of a beautiful silk table runner) next to the giant vase where Kissinger lived, which was filled with bamboo (so he could swim around in style.)
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It's very important to understand the placement of all involved objects as they play a major part in the development of story...

Sometime later in the evening, I decided to head to bed accidentally leaving the candle burning ... and here is where the events are a bit fuzzy.  I don't exactly *know* what happened, but there are two scenarios, both valid, however, one is slightly more scientific than the other.  Nonetheless, I will give you both of the stories and you can choose which is your favorite.

Story A (slightly more scientific) Sometime during the night, as the candle burns, the potpourri in the candle catches fire creating quite a large fire for a candle
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The candle fire quickly spread to the table runner...
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As the fire grew, burning hotter and hotter next to the vase, the glass also became hotter and hotter.  Basic scientific principles here -- heat = expansion of molecules = glass breaking.
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The water from the vase put out the fire, thus saving my home from burning down (the table was wood...so you can see where it might have gone had the vase not broken.) 

Now for Story B, which I personally believe is the correct scenario, and also the reason why you too will believe that Kissinger is a hero and saved my home from burning down

As the fire grew hotter and hotter, Kissinger realized that the table might catch on fire.
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So Kissinger begins ferociously swimming against the side of the vase, throwing himself as hard as he can at the glass, in order to break it.  He knows that the water from the vase will put out the fire, but, as any true hero realizes, he also knows he might not make it.  This does not deter him from attempting to save us!
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And that is how Kissinger Also, saved our house from burning down.

I should also tell you that the story really doesn't end here.  There is an entrance by Delilah (the German Shepherd) into this story that really puts the 'cherry on parfait' so to speak. 

Fast forward back to where I'm having my coffee at 6:30 am or so (after Kissinger is safely in a bowl of water).  I began cleaning the mess and I see the awful char marks on the table.  My mother-in-law had told me at one point that rubbing a bit of mayonnaise into a wooden table often helps with imperfections or problem areas.  Remember I had an appointment at 7:30?  At this point, I'm in a huge hurry, so I grab a mayonnaise jar and LIBERALLY spread the mayo on the charred area in hopes that I might salvage some of the table when I get home. 

I quickly throw on my clothes and race out the door.  I return home sometime around 9 that morning and walk to the table to see what I can do to repair the fire damage.  When I get to the table, I see that not only is the mayonnaise completely gone -- in its place are ENORMOUS claw marks stretching from the charring at the center of the table to the edge, ALL AROUND THE ENTIRE TABLE.  Apparently, Delilah was after the mayonnaise - and what WAS a 4 or 5 inch spot of fire damage, now became a thoroughly scarred table.  Really, at that point, I was kind of just ready to start drinking...I was fairly certain it was 5:00 in Beijing or Australia. 

So, friends, THAT is the story of how my fish saved my life and my dog not only did NOT save my life (see the P.S. below), but she also ruined my table.

P.S. You might have also wondered (as I did much later in the day), why the dog didn't awaken me as my table was catching on fire?  You have probably heard of dogs saving owners from fires?  I cannot answer this except to say that, while Delilah was indeed a very smart dog, she was also a really unusual one and sometimes she just really couldn't be bothered -- with anything -- including saving her owner (who fed her...). :-/
3/8/2011 10:30:52 pm

OMG! What a hilarious story! You had me clutching at my sides! I love the little stick men drawings as well - fabtastic!

I totally agree with the "Kissenger saved your life" scenario. Totally!

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TexaGermaNadian
3/26/2011 07:15:01 pm

Awesome story!! What a great addition to the Storytellers Blog Hop! I like to think the second version is the right one too :) You owe that fishy a lot...or at least some dried bread crumbs as a treat, haha. Hope you had a great weekend!

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10/7/2013 07:28:47 am

Great blog, I just created an account here too.

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